Four Years of Fighting

Thrilled to be on this journey of a lifetime with the Ninja.
Photo courtesy: LaBrisa Photography

Two [trailer] houses. A totaled car. Burst pipes. Two weddings. Four Ohio State fairs. Two Masters of Science degrees. A shattered crockpot filled with gravy. Zero babies. Most of a PhD in Animal Science.

Believe it or not, we have shoved all of those amazing experiences into 1,460 wedded-days full of celebrating, accepting, loving, fighting, laughing, compromising, competing, stressing, [blatant] honesty and joy. Today, I reflect on one of the most important items in that list: fighting.

Robert Louis Stevenson once said, “Marriage is one long conversation chequered by disputes.”

Accurate, Mr. Stevenson.

It’s truth time, peeps. Here are the many ways we fight in marriage.

– With each other

This is the obvious one. For those of you who aren’t married, take it from me. The arguments don’t stop once you say ‘I do.’ Little things like taking out the garbage can, under the wrong circumstances, yield just as big of an argument as the decision as when to buy a house. God made us all differently, which means that we all have varying opinions and when thrown into a small space with another human, we inevitably will have disagreements. But how you handle these disagreements will be the true test of your relationship. Can you learn to compromise and move on together? Or will you fail to learn from past experiences and let resentment fester? The choice is, as cliché as it sounds, up to you.

Let’s not forget, that arguments are a form of communication. And if you aren’t communicating, it’s going to be hard to plan your life, make decisions, move forward and grow. So it’s ok to get in a heated discussion about when the next chapter of your life will start or how many candles you need in your house or what brand of salsa to buy. But let’s just try to keep it civil, people. Above the belt and no snarky comments that can seriously cause damage to your relationship. That whole “sticks and stones may break my bones” shtick is a crock of Crisco. Words can, and do, hurt – so be nice and play fair.

– With ourselves.

You might wonder how I fight with myself in my marriage. And, building upon that, how does winning a fight against myself help my marriage?

I’m a competitive person and I like to have the last word. I especially love to have the last word when I’m right and someone else is wrong. All of these compounded together can make me an especially unpleasant person in the heat of an argument. It’s a constant struggle for me to beat back my snarky side when I desire to make a point, and instead let the sweeter voice of reason win, hence allowing peace to come to our humble little trailer.

By fighting with my inner demon, and winning, I am making a conscious effort to be the best version of myself that I can be for the sake of my marriage and my personal wellbeing.

– For each other.

This is the most important fight you will have in your marriage. No I am not talking about throwing punches in honor of your betrothed – although I would not hesitate to do so if provoked. I am talking about a spiritual and emotional fight for each other.

There is a huge enemy to your marriage and his name is Satan. The enemy will fight to plant doubts and fears in your marriage. The enemy will make you think that one disagreement is a sign to end your commitment. The enemy will tempt you and your spouse with other men and women, with ideas of “bigger and better.” Ignore that bastard, link arms with your spouse, get down on your knees and work together towards a strong marriage that is rooted in faith and prayer. If you don’t fight for each other and put each other first, no one is going to do it for you. It’s up to you and your partner to find strength in your faith and make the commitment to work through the crappy days and relish the exciting ones.

As I’ve mentioned before, marriage is far from easy. It’s the most challenging, yet most rewarding, endeavor I’ve ever undertaken and is equally as frightening as it is enthralling. A loving, gratifying marriage is worth fighting for but both people have to be engaged in the fight. I am a firm believer that a few bad fights are the fee you pay for the most exhilarating experience of your life. Suck it up folks, make some sacrifices in order for a lifetime of happiness with the one you love.

Alright, here’s where you come in – do you think I’m completely off-base? What are your thoughts on marriage and making it last?

Until next time
~ Buzzard ~

p.s. I want to stress the “zero babies” part of this blog post. The eggo is not preggo. That is all.

The Ninja did not contribute to this blog post but he did review and edit so anything embarrassing has been approved.


16 responses to “Four Years of Fighting”

  1. Love it!! Good Job!! I have been married for 16 Years and I agree with you, being married is not easy. My thoughts on making a marriage last is this: Always put God first, then your husband. I have had to learn that the hard way!!

    1. Thanks, Naomi! It's great to hear similar feelings from ranch wives!

  2. Anonymous Avatar

    Mrs. Frobose, first, let me start that it is no secret that you and I are not always no the same page when it comes to communication of such topics. However, my friend, this is spot on.
    Relationships are HARD. Communication in relationships is even more difficult. Maintaining that foundational communication is the most challenging. I love that fighting is the title because if we are all being honest with ourselves, fighting is what we should all be doing in relationships. Fighting for them. The absolute worst thing that can happen to a relationship (and trust me, because I have been there) is for one party to fall into "indifference" for the relationship. Being indifferent is more harmful than hatred. Hatred is an emotion. Indiferrence is the lack thereof.
    Continue to pick one's battles. Life is not perfection but its finding the "right" people to run through life with, one fight at a time!
    Cheers, and happy anniversary, again!


    1. EL,

      Thanks for your always blatant honesty and your encouragement. Means more than you know. Hope to see you SOON!


  3. Carla Diane Conklin Avatar
    Carla Diane Conklin

    You rocked this post. I loved the part about the enemy and if you want your marriage to work fight for it and pray!

    1. Thanks, Carla. I appreciate your kind comment! It's a daily struggle but we get through it, side by side! Thanks for reading and I hope you'll share it 🙂

  4. I know I've already sent you a 140 on this post; however, I love this. You should write more posts like this! I *love* it.

    1. I love your 140, btw. Thank you for multiple awesome comments. You are awesome.

      P.s. – many more posts of this nature to come. Also, a book.

  5. Suzanne Bentley Avatar
    Suzanne Bentley

    The crockpot thing…been there. LOVED reading this. We've been married a whole 9 months and agree 100%. Happy Anniversary!

    1. Oh Suzanne – you would die laughing if I told you the whole crockpot gravy story. It's just too ridiculous for a blog post. Thanks for reading and I hope you'll share it! Happy 9 months as well!

  6. This is the bomb dot com, my sweet Turkey Buzzard/Frobose. Great and FRESH perspective about marriage, one that I think seems to get bypassed in our Jesus-lovers realm.

    So necessary to hear this… Here's to fighting– with each other, with ourselves and most importantly FOR each other.

    Thanks a billion for linking up (We do it every Thursday 🙂

    PS: I need to call you soon so we can catch up.

    PSS: I think you should guest post for me sometime.

    1. I would love to guest post. Tell me when and where and a topic 🙂

  7. This was much needed. As a newer (1.5) wife I was struggling with am I a bad wife. What am I doing wrong?! We have our amazing moment but with that some days bring the uglest of fights.keeping God center!! Thank you times a million!

    1. Don't give up. You have to work through the clouds to see the sun. I remarked to my husband just the other day that I just feel like we have started to hit our stride in learning how to communicate every day, when to shut up, how to focus on the positive and ignore the negative, etc.

      It will get easier 🙂 Don't worry – you aren't a bad wife! Things will not be perfect the first two or so years. They aren't perfect in year four! But every day together is a "w" and each year is a "W" and you'll get to the end of your life and see your battle partner by your side and be so thrilled you stuck it out because you have accomplished what so few do anymore. Thanks for reading!