He Loves Me So Much..

He married me TWICE!

Last night, I posted this picture to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter:

“Pretty low-key Monday night. Just getting remarried…no big deal. #newlyweds”
And my feeds blew up with hilarious comments about not really being married for the first two years, the absence of a marriage license, cake, readers and the comment that inspired this title from Celeste Harned “Poor Frobose, how many times is he gonna hear ‘I’m so awesome you married me twice.’ Lol.” Way to go Celeste, I did literally laugh out loud at that one.
This story is so ridiculous I have to share it – I swear I couldn’t make this [insert word for manure] up.
Starting from the beginning…
We got married in January 2011 and moved to Australia a mere three weeks later. Because my passport and travel visa were in Buzzard, and three weeks isn’t enough time to change them, I stayed Brandi Buzzard for the entirety of our trip.
Upon returning to the U.S. I embarked upon the crappy path of name change. Fellas, you ought to buy your wives two dozen roses and an old bottle of wine for taking on your name, especially when it’s not near as cool as her own. Name change just doesn’t happen with the exchanging of vows and rings. There are forms [gasp] and waiting in line [double gasp] and it actually isn’t cheap by the time she purchases new checks, a new passport, changes the title of her vehicles, new driver’s license (we’ll get to that), etc. It’s also extremely time consuming  and a massive headache. No wonder so many women decide not to change their names – if I hadn’t promised him a long time ago that I would change it, I totally would stay Buzzard instead of becoming Mrs. Ninja.
Anyhow, I’ve legally been Brandi Lynn Buzzard Mrs. Ninja [Buzzard is my middle name. You didn’t think I’d get rid of it completely did you? tsk tsk] for about a year. Social security card, bank accounts, employment records, insurance, credit cards – all of that has been changed. The last thing I needed to do was change my driver’s license so I took my new social security card and the 18 forms of ID that the DMV requires into the County Treasurer’s Office and waited impatiently for 1.5 hours until it was my turn. 
I was so proud. And so dumb. Proud of myself for having all the proper forms of ID, utility bills, blood sample, tattoo and everything else that is required for a new plastic ID card. And so dumb because I actually believed this was going to be a smooth process. #Idiot. How many times have you gone to the DMV and left with your new card on the first try? NEVER.
The fella starts processing my form and although I can’t remember the actual conversation, [this event took place last fall(ish)], he asked why the box on the bottom of my form didn’t have a legal name in it. ruh-roh.
*Sidenote: While we were in Australia, the DMV or some higher power, decided that marriage licenses needed a box at the bottom denoting what the legal names of the married individuals will be after the cake is gone and the emotional roller coaster is over. OUR marriage license had no such box. I know this because I had the original and there definitely was no option for that.
I informed the oh-so-delightful employee that my license didn’t have that and if he would just process my forms and snap my picture I’d be on my way. Nope – not happening. He told me that I had to have that box filled in since I was not dropping Buzzard and was instead adding it as a middle name. This seems unfathomably stupid to me but I don’t make the rules, I just whine about them. He also told me that I could legally change my name by filing a civil court case and making an ad in the paper letting folks know I was changing my name and it would only cost approximately $200. Then I would bring that form back and proceed as planned. 
I felt the need to repeat to him several times that my legal name ALREADY had been changed and that my driver’s license is not the Holy Grail of legality in the U.S. How do we keep track of children under the age of 14 without driver’s licenses? Holy cow – they must not exist without a driver’s license! He wasn’t buying it.
I bid him bad good-day and then drug my semi-lifeless body to the County Clerk’s office to schedule my pointless court date and began mentally preparing myself for the anguish of telling The Ninja about the whole process. As I stood glumly in the clerk’s office, I was met with some good news from the clerk ladies who told me that I could just get remarried and file a new marriage license which would be far cheaper and much less time consuming. HUZZAH!
So, after double-checking several times that this was actually legal, The Ninja and I tied the knot [again] last night and went out for celebratory drinks.
I’ve had several people ask why they weren’t invited and if we did something wrong. We even got an offer for a toaster [yes, please]. There were only 5 of us there – The Ninja, me, our two witnesses ([hanks swine graduate students] and the Judge. We didn’t fill the judge in on the background, at this point I just wanted to get it over with and done.

So now I can finish out changing my name – as you may have noticed/read, I’ve legally been Mrs. Ninja for quite some time and had changed all my social media outlets etc a long time ago. But I can now finish the last few steps that require a driver’s license. Halle-freakin’-lujah.
Summary: we have actually been married the entire time. We now have two marriage licenses, two wedding dates and one anniversary [I’m not celebrating this headache]. I am a little disappointed though, The Ninja didn’t get me a gift, a flower or whisk me away on another surprise honeymoon to Fiji. Bummer. But at least we’re still married and I do love him so there’s always that!
The Ninja told me last night that I should try to share this story so that other brides know what a big pain in the butt it is and I agree. It shouldn’t be this difficult. If we can legally tie ourselves to someone after a three day wait and $85 and then expect half of their worldly goods if the marriage doesn’t work, why is changing the name to reflect the promise so difficult?
I’m shooting to get on Ellen. She’s hilarious and like I said, you can’t make this stuff up.
Anyone else have any ridiculous post marriage frustration stories to share?
Until next time [with ag related info],
~ Buzzard ~
p.s. If you stop calling me Buzzard, we stop being friends. Capice?


18 responses to “He Loves Me So Much..”

  1. laughed so hard.

    I'm not looking forward to this. I'm a first name/last name person too. Clay, however, isn't as cool as Buzzard. But – Haney? hmm.


  2. Well I think that I will just call you Haney – if that's ok? It's got a cool, laid back ring to it.

    Glad I made someone laugh, as I was definitely not laughing when I found out about the dilemma. We were both laughing last night though!

  3. Anonymous Avatar

    Oh wow! This makes me want to NOT change my name. Maybe I will just hire you to take care of all this legal BS…….. think on that 🙂 Dali

  4. Dali – it's really not worth it to pay me to do this. It's such a pain in the butt, but if you have all your forms it should be much easier.

    My pain = your gain.

  5. Oh this makes me laugh! Been there, done that.

    Mark hates that I still have a credit card with Jamie May on it, but since we are (HOPEFULLY) moving soon, I figure I will just get it all updated at once. There's some logic to that, right? And I can't seem to drop Jamie May if I try, especially at work. No one seems to get that if my name on my signature of my email and in the work system is Jamie Purfeerst, my name is no longer Jamie May. I am not complaining too much, Jamie May had a nice ring to it… 🙂

    Happy 2nd Marriage!

  6. Haha – I think that's perfectly excusable to wait until you move! It just eliminates a frustrating step!

    People still call me Buzzard and that's awesome with me but some say Frobose. Which hurts a little on the inside 🙁

    I don't think The Ninja cares too much as long as I change it eventually. He's been patient the whole time and has only made snarky comments on a few rare occasions.


  7. this actually happened to me too…only i have never followed through on the actual changing part….so on my drivers license, voting, etc. I have two last names. grr. this is good advice! any downside?

  8. So what does yours say then Sandy? First name: Sandy Last: Dillon Klein?

    The only downside was the $85 marriage cert and $50 service fee. $135 is still cheaper and less stressful than a court case though in my opinion.

  9. I just added Dillon as a second middle name…so is says, Dillon Klein, Sandra Jean. Super annoying when everything else is correct. Actually Andy was just asking how we could fix this …so this is good to know…

  10. Glad to help. That is essentially me. First- Brandi Middle – Lynn Buzzard Last -Frobose. I hope it doesn't cause me too much trouble later on..

  11. I had a somewhat similar experience, but with a much nicer out come. The Boss and I eloped to Mexico. When we returned, I jumped through the same hoops you just did, except with a marriage license in Spanish. The Social Security office was a breeze compared to the dmv. One two hour wait for the translator lady to come back from "lunch" on my FIRST visit, and three very frustrating visits later the lady says, "your birth certificate has a slight tear in it, I shouldn't give you your d.l. because of it, but since you've been hear a couple of times, I'll go ahead and give it to you"

    Yours takes the cake though…and you'll have an awesome story to tell your kids! Congrats on the nuptials…again!

  12. Nice one!! Excellent work-around, and much nicer to have a glass of wine after that than after being in court all day!… makes me never want to get married though, I have to keep myself from saying rather bad things at the DMV as it is! side note – I notice you refer to your husband as 'The Ninja', and Lori calls hers 'The Boss' – so cool, mine's The Major, although he's not my husband. Nice to be among friends 🙂

  13. Love it! Just the laugh I needed today!

  14. Geez!!! Too funny!

  15. Anonymous Avatar

    It was a lot easier to change my name 34 years ago but I still remember how traumatic it was! I was immediately transplanted from Illinois to Michigan when we got married. I took my marriage license the priest had given us and went to get my driver's license changed. The little lady looked at it and said, "If this is all you have, you are not legally married!" I was dumbfounded and mad when she told me the paper I had was a "church" certificate and I needed to get a "real" marriage license from the courthouse. Of course I cried and gave Don what for since I was the one going through this mess! Given that everything had to be done by mail then, it took another month for me to have the real paper to prove I was married!
    Rosemary Beeler Boggs

  16. That IS a crazy story. We got married in MN, but were going to college in SD. My home county's marriage licenses are pretty boring…no cool paper or fun fonts. It really just looks like they have some Microsoft Word template for a marriage license, but they do have the official seal on it. Anyway, when I took it to the social security office in Brookings, they told me there was no way that was a valid license. I must have made a counterfeit one. Uh, nope. So I just waited until I could go to a SS office in my home county and they didn’t even flinch.
    I got married a month after I turned 21, so I had to visit to visit the DVM twice in that short period of time. Oh, the joys :).

  17. Katelyn D Avatar
    Katelyn D

    Well this really makes me not want to change my name and I was hoping to keep my maiden name in there somewhere. I mean I’m going from Dynneson (a name nobody has) to Larson (about as common as they come). Maybe I’ll start a new trend where the man takes the woman’s name instead haha.

  18. Bahahaha!!!! This made my day.

    After our wedding I waited patiently for my copy of our marriage lisence. And waited some more. Finally called over to the courthouse in Brule co to see what it’s status was. The secretary knew me from 4-H.

    Secretary- you got married?? Oh how wonderful etc etc
    Me – yes thanks, I’m actually missing my marriage certificate, wondered if you sent it yet
    Secretary – uh….we never got it from your pastor?

    Did you know in SD if your marriage lisence goes AWOL before it gets to the state you have to have your original witnesses resign it? Even if you made a copy of the original before it was sent to the courthouse??

    Bird owed me multiple beers because of that one.