7 Legit Reasons Why I’d Prefer to Be a Pregnant Cow

When I’m out checking cows in the pasture, after climbing on my horse using a bucket, my mind starts to wander as I look for calves among the grass and brush. We’ve had a great calving season – only one cow has needed assistance delivering her calf and the rest have been just hunky dory. I jotted down this list of comparisons in our calf book while riding one day and have finally decided to share it. Seems like cows have all the fun…

Cow with newborn calf
She delivered this calf in less than an hour with no complications and seemingly no extraordinary effort. Color me jealous

Pregnant cows seem to have more energy than a pregnant woman.
I have seen heavy bred cows buck, run and jump across a pasture chasing after the cake truck like they’re newborn calves. Good luck catching me doing cartwheels. Carrying feed buckets, doing squats and lightly jogging are the extent of my strenuous activities these days.

Cows make birth look easy.
Of course there are exceptions but for the most part, cows can and will have calves on their own with no epidural, forceps, suction cups or C-sections. On the other hand, all of the ‘knowledge’ I’m gleaning from our childbirth education class has me seriously considering why we ever thought this was a good idea…

No one is judging a cow for eating all day.
Meanwhile, I’m getting sidelong glances from bystanders as I fill my plate for the third time at the buffet (it takes added calories to bake a biscuit, folks).

Pregnant cow in a pasture
She’s fat. She’s happy.

Cows aren’t expected to bounce back a few weeks later and be ready to run a race/clean the house/fit into pre-pregnancy clothes.
It takes 38-40+ weeks to grow a tiny human during which time a woman’s body goes through an inordinate amount of change (some good, mostly bad) – it’s not going to magically repair and bounce back after six weeks.

Cows don’t have food aversions when pregnant (at least, I don’t think so).
Yours truly, the self-proclaimed meatatarian, has developed a food aversion to none other than STEAK AND WHOLE MUSCLE CUTS OF BEEF. Also included in the mix are bbq meats – so I’m down to hamburgers, chicken, hot dogs and cooked lunch meat. Subsequently, the woman who loves meat and finds most vegetables abhorrent is anemic. Irony?

Cows have no problem consuming enough forage/fiber to get then through their pregnancy.
Pregnant women, on the other hand, must buddy up to leafy greens and fiber supplements for 40 weeks – if a woman is so unlucky to be anemic, the iron pills trigger an increased fiber requirement. It’s a vicious cycle (have you noticed a lot of pregnancy complaints are around food?).

And probably the number one reason being a pregnant cow is better than being a pregnant woman…

If someone tries to touch a cow’s belly, they might get kicked.
I’m working on employing this tactic.

Moms and pregnant friends, did I miss anything?

Until next time,
~ Buzzard ~


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7 Legit Reasons Why I'd Prefer to Be a Pregnant Cow



4 responses to “7 Legit Reasons Why I’d Prefer to Be a Pregnant Cow”

  1. Pregnant cows don’t get yelled at by perfect strangers for grabbing a cup (or three) of coffee, or a beer once in a while 🙂

    1. bbuzzard13@gmail.com Avatar

      While I can’t say I’ve grabbed a beer during pregnancy (and am not judging you) I can say that I’ve been self conscious about drinking soda in public. Before getting pregnant I thought all pop was off limits, but turns out I can drink a can of pop a day if I want and it’s totally alright! I’m not a coffee drinker but am so glad I haven’t had to give up my iced tea!

  2. Michelle Armitage Avatar
    Michelle Armitage

    Cows don’t get asked the same questions a million times. When’s your due date? Do you know what your having? Hmmm… A baby I think?. Have you picked a name? And oh my favorite… How are you feeling?? I’d like you to note that I know you all too well and I don’t recall asking you any of those questions. By the time you approach the end, those kind of questions frankly just piss you off lol!

    1. bbuzzard13@gmail.com Avatar

      Yes, you absolutely know me well! And I am asked all those questions a ton – I don’t really mind though. At least they care! But I do get tired of “will you tell me the name?” No, I won’t. Miss you, friend!