Marriage is Not Like a Pizza

Because pizzas are 1) delicious, 2) cheap and 3) easy to split in two. The latter reasoning is the topic of today’s post.

Marriage is not like a pizza because marriage is not, nor will it ever be, half and half. In our household, all pizzas are 1/2 veggie-meat combo, 1/2 meat only. I’m the meatatarian and the Ninja likes rabbit food with is meats. However, a marriage is not half and half in the sense that one person is always giving more than the other.

Marriage isn't like a half and half pizza
Marriage isn’t like a half and half pizza

Read that again – one person is always giving more than the other. Meaning one person is also taking more than the other. Keep in mind, I did not say “the wife is always giving more while the husband takes all” or vice versa. Marriage, in itself, is all about compromise and communication.

If you go into a marriage believing that everything will be equal you are in for a real disappointment and a lot of arguments! It’s unrealistic to expect that the finances, decisions, family obligations and workload will be split evenly down the middle. Equal is not possible. I was at a generational planning session for ranchers when one producer, when discussing how his land and business will be divided when he hands over the reins, said, “It’s not ever going to be equal, but it needs to be fair.” And I think the exact same thing can be said for marriage – fair, but not equal.

In the Roman Forum gardens
Compromising every day to provide each other with a wonderful life!

The Ninja is a PhD swine nutritionist and I only have a M.S. in animal behavior and welfare. He is always going to make more money than I do – and that is something we have both accepted. It doesn’t hinder us or affect decisions – I pay for many of our household bills, groceries and social outings while he covers bigger ticket items such as down-payments, new (to us) furniture and equipment. My contribution is smaller but I still pull my weight by helping us budget on utilities, groceries and other daily expenditures. That’s how I can make it fair. We can’t get hung up on whether or not I am contributing as many funds to our goals as he is – that would be counterproductive to our personal and business plans.

Another way in which we deal with “fair but not equal” are the household chores. After cleaning houses for cash when I was in high school and several years of fast food servitude, I now despise cleaning bathrooms. But I don’t mind vacuuming, dusting, dishes, sweeping etc. We made a deal when we moved into our glorious ranch house that I would do all the cleaning except the bathrooms. Is this equal? Not at all, but in my mind it’s fair because I don’t have to clean our 3.5 bathrooms (!) ever again. I’ll take that any day.

You’re probably thinking that my outlook on marriage is depressing and that is your right, but I have to disagree. I’m being realistic and if you are looking at your marriage as a competition with your spouse to see who is getting their equal dues, then personally I think that is depressing. But if you are coming into your marriage, or going down a new path, with prayer, communication and compromise as guiding tenets then I think you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to be happy with giving more than you receive occasionally. Of course, marriage is like a pendulum and momentum can swing back and forth quite easily. Sometimes I am traveling for work a lot – last summer, I was on the road 62% of the time between April-July. The Ninja did all the chores and household duties, handled maintenance, repairs and general “honey do” things. He was great and helped keep me sane while on the road because I knew things were in great hands at home. Similarly, when he started up with heavy travel in the fall and now extending into the spring it’s on me to make sure the stalls are clean, the horses and cows are fed and to line up appointments with the banker/fertilizer sprayer/doctor etc. We both are capable of handling the household while the other is gone and we also both trust the other to do what needs to be done to keep the clock ticking.

Trust. Communication. Compromise. Give and take. The pendulum will swing back and forth as we conquer each day in this truly awesome life. Because we are not a pizza.

God is good, y’all.

Until next time,
~ Buzzard ~



4 responses to “Marriage is Not Like a Pizza”

  1. Best description I’ve ever seen. I love reading your perspective on marriage, because let’s be honest, it’s as honest as it gets! I think farming throws an interesting wrench into marriage. In our household, I pay all the bills, cook/clean, collect livestock like they are candy, etc. The hubs makes more money (he’s counting on my MS in swine nutrition to eventually make me more money, which it probably will someday), but he’s got student loan debt and a big truck payment, is always buying tools (I never realized ag mechanics never have enough tools til I got together with one!), but he’s the builder and the fixer. I’d be a little terrified leaving him alone with my stock for an extended period of time though (he’s a crop guy)…but you’re right, as delicious and wonderful as pizza is…marriage is not like a pizza. Thanks for the read!

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      Thanks, Mandy! I love your thoughts on ag mechanics and tools, but I have to admit that I think that’s a guy thing! Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. I love this! You have found a way to say what I have been trying to figure our ever since I started staying home from being a teacher when we had our son. I think we are always trying to make everything equal but that isn’t reality in all cases, like marriage. Thanks for this, really!

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      So glad you liked it, Gloryanna! I think that it’s a daily choice we have to make to be the best partner we can be for each other. Thank you for reading and commenting!